Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
