In the future we'll all be gay
I wish I could punch you in the face.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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