she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
