Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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