Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
