you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
