my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
