Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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