So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
a search helicopter?!
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
