He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
