Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
