She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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