If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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