I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
God I need to hump something, right now.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
