i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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