hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
