i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
