Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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