I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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