I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
