Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Randomize
