Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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