I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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