i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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