i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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