She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
