Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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