i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
