some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
