This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
