Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize