We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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