areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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