he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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