Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
