No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
