I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I FOUND THE LEGS
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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