And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
