First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
