I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
