When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
