Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
