I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize