the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My liver just had a heart attack.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize