i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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