Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
