It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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