I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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