Umm I'm too high to move.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
