I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Randomize
