I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
