my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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