I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
NoShamevember. You game?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
