I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My vagina just recognized that song.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
