I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You pole danced in your parka.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
