im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
