Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
