so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I came so hard my ears popped.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
