I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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