I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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