Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
