In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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