so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
