i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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