I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
