All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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