wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
