That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize