Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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