At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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