I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
