Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
