At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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